


Sticking It To Myself

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth Productions RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 11:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This whole 'fake boyfriends' thing? A terrible idea. Another terrible idea? Expecting Michael to play nice with Gavin whilst also pretending to be in love with him. Really, the whole thing was meant to have been a way to stop people from assuming he and Gavin were together. The logic was lost on him, but then again, the whole thing way Ray's idea. And Ray's ideas generally lacked any form of cognitive reasoning.</p><p>In the end, it's really just hard enough to not strangle Gavin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sticking It To Myself

"Dude," Ray said, swivelling around in his chair, eyes bright.

Michael already knew what he was about to say would make him want to kill himself. Or Gavin. But the temptation to kill Gavin was really nothing new. Himself, then. He'd kill himself.  
"Dude," he replied, not looking up. 

"There is fan fiction," he said, "About, like, Achievement Hunter."

"We knew that already, dick shit," Geoff put in. "Remember, you did the whole reading of one. Which was pretty gay."

"You listened to it," Ray fired back, sounding hurt, but when Michael looked up at him he was just grinning broadly. Asshole. "No, but this is a special kind of fan fiction."

"More special than sucking each other's dicks?" asked Jack, who was trying to concentrate on winning Halo Horse. He was versing Geoff this week so Michael thought that the concentration really wasn't necessary seeing as it was, well, Geoff.

"Yeah," he confirmed, still grinning. "This is like, a slow-building harlequin romance novel. Like a bajillion words long."

"Which you read," Geoff said doubtfully, 

Ray nodded now, looking from Michael to Gavin, who was lost in his own little world of editing or idiocy. "It's like Pride and Prejudice but with Gavin and Michael."  
"That's fucking disgusting," Michael spat, standing up to knock Ray on the head. "..You read Pride and Prejudice?"

"High school," Ray said dismissively, trying to squirm away from Michael's half-punches. "That's not the point, though. This stuff is like. Long. And it would have taken forever."  
"That's what she said," came Jack, obviously on autopilot.

"It's your fault you keep fuelling everyone, you big prick." Michael said with a final hit. "Oooh, I'm Ray and I like gay porn even though I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND." Ray flinched away.

"Maybe you and Gavin should date and then break up?" Ray suggested. "Then nobody would write fan fiction about you two."

Gavin heard his name and took off his headphones, looking at everyone curiously. God, he was such a fucking twat.

"Johnny Depp and Winona Rider broke up," Jack said, looking at the three of them nervously. "And people still talk about how great they were."

"Man, Winona Rider was so hot," said Geoff, earning a glare from almost everyone in the room.

"I'm just saying," Ray said, still leaning away from Michael. "If you guys fake dated for, like, two weeks, no one would say shit. There's no fiction with Neil Patrick Harris and David Burka."

"That's gross," Gavin said, and Michael had the dignity not to be hurt. Because it was Gavin. "Let's do it. It'll be a great prank. And April Fools in coming up."

"No it's not," Michael said, even though the battle was already lost.

"Awesome!" Ray said, standing up and walking around Michael who was fuming now. "I'll go tell everyone!"

Michael gave Gavin the most hateful glare he could muster. "God, you're such a fucker."

Gavin just smiled. 

 

\-- --

A week later, the internet was still kind of high on the news and Michael received at least twenty messages from friends and family all 'WTF' which he then had to respond to with 'I'M NOT GAY I'M NOT GAY I'M NOT GAY'. He's pretty sure only a few of them believed him though.  
Lindsay was harder to convince.

They sat drinking at their apartment, Lindsay in her blue bath robe and Michael in his boxers. She looked so hot. Michael was so, so disappointed that she didn't like dick. Not even his dick, specifically. He fervently wished he could have been born with a vagina. Then he'd totally be Lindsay's type and they'd be engaging in copious amounts of sex right about now.  
As it was, she was pretty gay and no amount of drunk begging would change that (so Michael had learned from many, many past experiences). So now they lived together in an apartment with thin walls and sometimes Michael heard her having sex. It wasn't really the same but it worked.

"Twitter is still all 'OMG Mavin 5eva'," Lindsay informed him, scrolling through her phone. "Aw, Burnie said 'congrats'. Isn't that sweet?"

Michael sighed. He hadn't even been on twitter the past few days. Now, he was afraid to. "Burnie's a dick."

"You just love Gavin," she smirked which made absolutely zero sense. "Ragehappy woo."

"I don't even know what that means," Michael informed, taking a big gulp of his drink. "And I hate Gavin. You know that."

She waggled her eyebrows. "Do I?"

Michael was so not in the mood for this conversation. "You do."

"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much."

"Me thinks you're an idiot and Gavin's a poncy little shit."

Lindsay laughed, head thrown back. God, she looked so pretty. The thought made Michael's stomach clench. Stupid lesbians. Damn. "He's your type, though. Right?"

"My type comes with a vagina and an All-American attitude," Michael took another gulp of his drink, finishing it off. He walked the few metres to the fridHge to get another. "Gavin has a penis and he's annoyingly British. No luck."

"Get me a beer," Lindsay ordered, passing Michael her empty bottle. "He likes video games, so do you."

"So do a billion other people in the world," said Michael, doubtfully, pulling two beers out of the fridge and unscrewing the lids. 

"You guys can make each other laugh."

"Youtube makes me laugh, doesn't mean I should date youtube." He passed her a bottle and sat back down on the couch.

"Youtube's too good for you," she smiled, curling a hand around Michael's wrist. "But Gavin's at your league."

Michael pulled away, watching her hand fall limply back to the couch. He looked up and her face was sad and understanding. They finished off their drinks and Michael head off to bed early, listening to Lindsay change and fall into bed but thinking about Gavin.

\-- -- --

The next day at work, Gavin is as unbearable as ever. They have to film a Let's Play of Minecraft and Geoff, Jack, Ray and Ryan have told him to be _nice_ to Gavin.  
And that's no easy task when Gavin is being an absolute twit, and shoving Michael in various holes and crevices and then blocking them in together. He seemed to think that the whole 'fake relationship' thing is hilarious, which pissed Michael off to no end. It wasn't funny. It was fucking annoying. The Let's Play ended with Ray winning the Tower of Pimps (a-fucking-gain) and showing them all with Roses. 

Michael decided he needed some actual fresh air after being trapped in a virtual cave with Gavin for the past hour and a half.  
He told everyone he was off to get lunch, but he ended up driving to the closest coffee shop, buying a coffee and then sitting in his car for the next half hour, thinking about how much he hated Gavin and the rest of the guys. Especially Gavin. Goddamn British dicky son of a-

"Michael!" 

Michael jumped in his seat, spilling the remains of his coffee all over his lap, he glared at his wet crotch for a second, kind of relieved it wasn't burning hot and only luke warm and then back up to his window where a decidedly giddy face was watching him. "Gavin," he said, voice dangerously low. "What are you doing."

"Well you left," Gavin said, as if it explained everything. "So I thought I'd come by and see if I could grab a bite from you. But you only got coffee and moped in your car like a tosser."

"So you came to steal some food from me," he said slowly. "Did you _walk_ here?"

 

"Yes."

"..Just to steal food?"

"I was bored!" said Gavin, defensive now. He held up a bag to the open window, letting the smell of burgers waft through the car. "I bought food anyway, seeing as you were being a mangey twat in the car. Alone." 

Michael rolled his eyes, but gestured to the side door. Gavin grinned and rounded the car, sliding into the seat and pulling out some chips and a burger for Michael. "Thank you?"

Gavin only reached into the bag to bring out his own food, which he ate with appropriate vigour. " Everyone's worried 'bout you," he said, through a mouthful. "By everyone I mean Lindsay."

Michael sighed. "Are _you_ worried about me, Gavin?"

He shrugged and Michael felt stupidly fond of the man. God, this was getting ridiculous. Stockholm Syndrome or some shit. That's what it was. 

"I guess I am," he said, throwing some fries into his mouth. "Otherwise I wouldn't have come by to bring you chips and a burger."

"I'm fine," Michael said, firmly, moulding the wrapper from his food into a ball and chucking that in the bag. "I just don't want to be your boyfriend."

"Right," Gavin smiled, maybe feigning wisdom. "You want to be Lindsay's boyfriend."

Michael didn't say anything. 

"Mate, she's gay."

"I know that!" he snapped. "But that doesn't-"

"It kind of does," Gavin said. "I mean, the only girls that wouldn't go for you have to like fanny, right?"

He blinked. "What's that supposed to mean?"

And that's when Gavin leaned in, smelling like fast food and kissed Michael. 

 

\-- --

When Michael had first met Gavin he'd been kind of shocked how someone so nice looking could be that much of a fuck head. But, before he'd really met him, before he'd had the chance to exchange retorts and punch Gavin every day, before all of that.. 

Michael had thought that Gavin was maybe, a tiny, tiny tad.. Attractive?

Of course, he'd then opened his mouth and the image of Attractive Stranger had been lost to _Gavin_.

\-- --

Michael pulled away and blinked, looking at Gavin uncertainly.

"That was top," Gavin said. "Thought it'd be messier."

"You thought about this?!" And Michael can't keep the hysterical note out of his voice, no matter how hard he'd try.

"Well not religiously," Gavin said, licking his lips. "But, I mean. You know, sometimes."

"That's fucking weird, dude," Michael said and kissed him again. "This is so fucking weird."

"Doesn't have to be," Gavin replied, eyes wide. "We could just- fake date and do this sometimes."

"That sounds awfully close to actually dating," Michael pointed out, nervously. "Which is uh. Not something I want to do. With you."

"But you're alright to kiss me?" he questioned, looking snarky. "Slut."

"Fuck you." Gavin just raised an eyebrow which made Michael angrier. "I mean. Okay, the- this-" he waves his hands around, gesturing between them. "This is fine! But, the uh. Mechanics of sex. With you."

"You've had sex with a lad before," Gavin said. 

Drunken blow jobs and shitty sex was hardly something to write home about, less to count on as actual experience. "How the fuck do you know about that?"

"Lindsay," Gavin grinned. 

"She's a bitch." Michael tried to imagine fucking Gavin. He really couldn't. It was too weird. "We're gonna have to get absolutely smashed every time we want to fuck."

"Or," Gavin said, rearranging himself subtly and unzipping Michael's jeans. "We could try this."

"Wha- No! Gavin! Jesus Chri-"

But it was too late. Gavin worked fast, his lips were already over the head of Michael's dick, and he gave it a quick swipe with his tongue as if testing it. Was this a British thing? Did they all, like, have a natural talent for cock-sucking? It would explain a lot. 

"Did you- like- learn this at school or some shit?" Michael asked, eyes on the back of Gavin's head. Gavin just laughed into his dick. Fucking weirdo.

"This- I really did not think I'd be getting a blow job today," Michael said, as Gavin kind of moved up and down awkwardly. Or, it looked awkward. It felt like fucking magic though. "I mean, I'd hoped. But I always hope for surprise blow jobs. I think everyone does."

Gavin moved up and looked Michael in the eyes. His lips looked red and swollen. _Awesome_. "Charming as you are, can you stop talking for a minute here? I'm trying to get you off."  
He nodded and wondered why it felt so good to take orders from Gavin Free. If not Stockholm Syndrome it had to be Pavlovian Conditioning or some shit. Maybe secret hypnosis. Totally possible.  
Gavin went back to work and Michael tried and failed to imagine it was Lindsay who was doing that, Lindsay who was flicking her tongue and making a noise of irritation when Michael thrust up a tad to erratically. He tried to, but then he opened his eyes and saw Gavin, and that was enough to send him over the edge.

"A little warning would've been nice," Gavin said some minutes later, wiping his mouth and throwing another fry in there. 

"Likewise," Michael replied, starting up the car. "An eye for an eye-"

"-Makes the whole world blind," Gavin finished, smiling. 

"Geoff's going to be mad that we were gone for so long," Michael groaned, trying to subtly zip his pants back up. "I was meant to get ahead on editing this week's Rage Quit."

"So long," Gavin parroted. "Ahead. Coincidentally, you owe me head."

Michael pulled into the parking lot. "Alright."

 

\-- -- --

That night, Michael spent a majority of his time reading the tweets sent to him. There was fan art of he and Gavin and many, many messages of Congratulations. He couldn't believe Ray would have thought an actual relationship would have made the fans die down. But, in retrospect, that probably wasn't his aim. 

He looked up from his laptop as Gavin wandered out of the shower, wearing some shirt with a dumb quote on it and boxers that were Michael's. "Can I crash here tonight?"

"I guess," Michael said, eyes still scanning over all the tweets. "Seems unfair if I'd say no. Considering we-"

Gavin rolled his eyes and plopped down onto the bed, reading over Michael's shoulder. "You better not get all bumbly and sappy."

"Fuck you." He flicked Gavin on the temple. "You're the one who blew me in a car."

"You're the one who blew me on the couch."

"You're the one who-"

"I'll blow you know if you don't shut your face," Gavin threatened. And, as far as threats went, that one had to be pretty weak.

"I'm _so_ scared." He closed his laptop and leaned against Gavin. "Fucking idiot."

"You're the one who's fake dating me," Gavin pointed out.

"Better fucking keep my guard up so I don't actually start dating you."

"What a nightmare that would be."

Michael knocked their knuckles together and pulled Gavin closer. "It'd be horrific." 

The sad thing wasn't that he could imagine spending a very, very long time like this. It was the sad realisation that he might fall in love with a British anomaly. 

Oh well, worse things had happened.

**Author's Note:**

> My first contribution to the RageHappy fandom! I'll totally go through this later and pick out all the grammatical errors. Totally. Yup.  
> I hope you enjoyed, and constructive criticism is always welcome provided it strays away from destructive cynicism. Thanks for reading!


End file.
